Sunday, September 18, 2011

Cupcakes

The cupcake on facebook is one Sammy gave me on Saturday. She made it Friday night, at a sleepover at friends, where she already knew what follows and had told her friends (at said sleepover, by the way, they also watched "Hangover" -- 11-year olds, dude!) Just came home from dinner with her and Anke. Had a few hours to sit and chat, look at pictures, talk about trips past and future. I've done a lot of hard things, but none quite as hard as holding back the tears, trying to give her confidence and show that I'm strong, as she cried in my arms upon saying goodbye for what may be six months. I imagine she's still crying, now in mama's arms. Here's the thing:

My doc checked me in to the clinic last Thursday (Rheuma bldg, the only bed he could get) to more quickly get a CT scan done, as well as some blood units to pick up my strength.

CT results are in, and are not good: the tumor has grown significantly in the past 3 months, and he wants to act fast with high-dose chemo to whittle it down because, at current tumor size, a donor transplant would be futile.

As soon as they can get a bed for me in the main oncology bldg (likely Monday or Tuesday), the chemo starts. I'll then either be released for a while, or go straight into transplant of my own stem cells(the biggest, strongest of which they extracted 3 yrs ago). Then, depending on tumor size, direct into donor transplant.

And so the wild ride begins. Caught me fully by surprise. So much still to do. Rest assured I'm feeling fine, physically and emotionally. (Doing even better with the fresh new my blood units I got on Friday. So good, I was finally able to play the drums again today, one hour, with a fury.)

I've negotiated with my doc, and the rheuma doc and nurses to let me go home again tomorrow and rush through some last-minute to-dos. They're fine with that (I guess they've taken a liking to me as I'm not their typical whiny, grumpy clientele ;') So on we go, back onto the rollercoaster. Hands in the air like I just don't care... for safety regulations. Rest-assured, as throughout this meanwhile 4-yr rollercoaster ride, I remain headstrong on beating this. If anything, this little episode only feeds my determination. BOAT: Prepare to meet the torpedo with your name written all over it.

Cupcakes,

Chris